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JOKES JOKES JOKES
03-16-2016, 05:36 PM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
Little old lady goes to the Doctors........

“Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.”
The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”
The next week the lady comes back.
“Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my farts – although still silent – stink terribly.”
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”
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03-16-2016, 08:20 PM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
A dog with a bandaged up foot walks into a saloon and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
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03-22-2016, 05:20 AM, (This post was last modified: 03-22-2016, 05:21 AM by Darran.)
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
A 75-year-old Earl walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist,  an uptight lady, said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”
“There’s something wrong with my Johnson,” he replied. Several people turned their heads to look at him, surprised.
The receptionist, embarrassed at the situation, said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”

“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” Earl said.
The receptionist replied, “Now you have caused needless embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”
The man replied, “You should not ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.” He then walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly. “Yes?”
“There’s something wrong with my ear,” Earl stated loudly.
The receptionist nodded approvingly, knowing he had taken her advice. “What is wrong with your ear, sir?”
“I can’t piss out of it,” he replied.
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03-25-2016, 04:42 PM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair
every year, and every year Buddy would say,
“Edna, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.”

Edna always replied, “I know Buddy, but that
helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is
fifty bucks.”

One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair,
and Buddy said, “Edna, I’m 85 years old. If I
don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get
another chance.

To this Edna replied, “Buddy that helicopter ride Is fifty bucks and fifty bucks is fifty bucks,”
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
“Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of
you for a ride. If you can stay quiet For the
entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge
you a penny! But if you say one word its fifty
dollars.”

Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres,
but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil
tricks over and over again, but still not a
word…

When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy
and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to
get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m
impressed!”

Buddy replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I
almost said something when Edna fell out, but
you know, fifty bucks is tiny bucks.”
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04-04-2016, 09:34 AM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
Did you hear about the new breakfast cereal for impotent men?

its called: nut n raisin honey!

----------------------------------------------


What do you give an Elephant with diarrhea?

Lots of room.

-----------------------------------

.
https://sputinc7.wixsite.com/covwc

I didn't do it.   But, if I did do it, it was an accident! Angel

if you lose your head and give up, you niether live nor win. that's just the way it is.
 Exclamation
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05-02-2016, 05:46 AM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
My wife has left me because of my fetish for pasta. 

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.   Confused
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05-05-2016, 10:37 PM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
A wife comes home the next day and the husbands asks. Where were you at last night? The wife says she got a little too drunk and stayed overnight at her girlfriends house. The husband calls 5 of her friends and none of them verified that she stayed overnight...............
A husband comes home the next day and the wife asks. Where were you at last night? The husband says he got a little too drunk and stayed overnight at his fishing buddies house. The wife calls 5 of his fishing buddies. 3 verified that he did stay over night and the other two said he was still at the house right now.
Most of my life I have wasted, the rest I have spent fishing. Wink
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05-18-2016, 07:33 AM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
I went to the doctors with hearing problems.

He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"




I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"
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06-12-2016, 11:21 AM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar.
The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

.
https://sputinc7.wixsite.com/covwc

I didn't do it.   But, if I did do it, it was an accident! Angel

if you lose your head and give up, you niether live nor win. that's just the way it is.
 Exclamation
Reply
08-09-2016, 04:52 PM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
My arse was sore after a curry. 

The wife said "ringsting"

I said 'what the f*ck will he know about it?"  Big Grin
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08-15-2016, 07:52 PM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
lordy
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12-02-2016, 04:08 AM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
"Sir your car was swerving all over the road!"

"Sorry officer I've had ten pints of beer and I'm extremely drunk!"



"Thats still no excuse to let your wife drive!"  Big Grin
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02-15-2017, 10:24 AM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

"Dejav."

"Dejav who?"

Knock knock.
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02-16-2017, 03:21 AM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
(02-15-2017, 10:24 AM)Darran Wrote: Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

"Dejav."

"Dejav who?"

Knock knock.

Bejesus Dar
~ "Jump in my love car - Don't have to go very far" ~

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02-18-2017, 05:15 AM,
RE: JOKES JOKES JOKES
Teacher : What’s your favourite letter?

Student: The letter G.


Teacher : Why is that Angus?  Confused
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